This blog today holds a very special place in my heart, this is for all the mothers' who have decided or will decide to breastfeed through trauma of sexual abuse or assault! I want first to commend any mother who have had to endure the pain, the hurt of being sexually assaulted and know that it is NOT your fault! There are organizations that you can talk to in order to get the help you need. I want to first provide the hotline for sexual assault to any women: 800-656-4673 also www.rainn.org
1 out of 6 women have been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.
I remember being raped 2010, just like that I was used as if I was nothing. I remember after being raped going to the hospital and was given a preventative drug that I had to sign for to be sure any STD that may have happen it would decrease my chances of an STD. After talking to the officers about what happen, and who the person was (which by the way was a guy I knew), I went home and cried for a while. Thinking how could that happen to me, why it happened and how do I move on from it. I remember telling my mother because I was in a place of depression. I told her I have been throwing up and I didn't feel well a few weeks later and found out I was indeed pregnant.
As I can imagine, I would have been a First Time Mother and I know It is not my unborn child's fault, but I could not stomach having a baby by someone who raped me. I remember going to my church to receive advice, I was in college and it was just something I could not handle on my own. My mother was there every step of the way! I opted for possible adoption after given birth, but decided at nine weeks that I just could not bring myself to have this baby! I am a person who does not believe in abortion, but suddenly had to make a decision and I choose to abort my unborn child. It was an experience for sure.
I remember going to a clinic off of Latrobe Drive in Charlotte, NC. There were protesters there with their signs and offerings of help, but I continued on inside. My mother which I am so grateful for provided me with reassurance that she is with me every step of the way. I remember it being my time after a few hours because you have to take medication to help your body to start contracting. Then finally it was my turn! I remember them calling me back, checking my blood pressure and laying me across a table with my feet up. I had my gown on and they talked to me about what those plans were. I can and always will remember the doctor using a metal speculum ( duck- bill shaped device to see inside a hollow part of a women vagina), he cranked and cranked and cranked it until I was so uncomfortable. He took another additional tool and began to suction out my unborn child, I still believe he took more than my child, he took a part of me that I would never get back. He scraped the inside with a curette (a tool used to scraped inside the uterus). I remember crying and them holding me down as he finished up. I watch him break my babies bones and place them in a container, crack after crack.
After he finished I could barely walk, they took me into the recovery room, provided me with food and gave me instructions on the medication I needed to take for a few days to be sure everything was clear. I finally was able to go home, I went to rest, started my medication and then the next day I was unable to move my legs. I thought to myself that this is probably my Karma for doing what I know was not right. I didn't move for a while after. From that day forward, I vowed to never get an abortion. I began therapy because I have to really dig down deep on what has happen so I can move forward. I did!! I did come to terms and accepted and I am now a living testimony of a tramatic experience.
I am writing this blog to say this ladies, that You can BREASTFEED through trauma, you can breastfeed if you are comfortable or you can ALWAYS PUMP for our black babies! Never let your past determine your future. Seek out help today and know that IT is NOT YOUR FAULT! If you ever need help with anything, I personally will help you get through sexual abuse or anything because #youdeservetheworld
This thing called SUPPORT will push you into your right destination!!
you can find me at www.beautyofmotherhood.org
@ Breastfeeding support group for black moms
@ Beauty of Motherhood breastfeeding support group for black moms in CLT
As well as Black Families Do Breastfeed Organization!!!